A Slice of Life in Three Bites

If someone asked me what lesson I would take from my life, I would simply answer none. My life in all its course was ordinary. I did what we all are required to do in life. Do I have regrets? Sure. But did I do anything to change that at all? No. Falling in love was another thing I did. I fell in love, thrice. And each of those experience gave a new meaning to love. The first, if I remember correctly was the purest form of attraction there ever was. We looked into each other’s eyes and sparks flew. His eyes had scathing madness that under normal circumstances would scare people off but I didn’t meet him under normal circumstances. It was the heaviest rainfall we had seen in town that summer. Everyone who had left their home found themselves in unfavourable conditions. I was stuck and so was he. For several hours we just stared each other, I wasn’t scared and he was relieved. We didn’t talk but we kept seeing a lot more of each other thereafter. Turns out he was new in town, recently moved from a foreign land. It wasn’t until Christmas Eve we found it completely unavoidable, the forces were strong and at the stroke of the midnight hour, under the mistletoe, he and I kissed. I wish it wasn’t that poetic. Even in my present I can’t forget the memory of the past or maybe I can’t forget at all. Who knows? 

We were in love with our heart and soul. Like magnets we couldn’t be separated and made vows for the future. One day, he told me he had to go. He asked me to come along and I gladly went, giving no damn to the world. I won’t deny it wasn’t beautiful and romantic, but it was also whimsical. I realised that it wasn’t my place to be, even if the person was. Our love went through a turbulent phase and hit rock bottom eventually. I wanted certain things but he wanted to wait. I took it to my pride, how dare he ask me of this? I left my world for him and he still hadn’t made his mind. I left. Waiting to be only followed and won over. That didn’t happen until a year later. He came back with full commitment and faith. But I had changed. 

In that one year, I travelled to far too many places, resigning to my seclusion and feeling of abandonment. There were days when I didn’t eat anything at all and threw up if I tried. No, I wasn’t pregnant with his child but there were days I wished I was. He would have no choice then. Yes, I had become some sort of evil. The naïvety was escaping my body, replaced by the feeling of contempt. And there are some people who can see through this withdrawal of emotions in your personality. They know it because they have had similar experiences. The second time I was told right on my face that there wasn’t going to be love. I met him, a man much older than I was, in a city where money and power were extremely synonymous. They are not in my hometown. He was experienced and intelligent. Handsome but I had given up those pursuits. However, he had something else in mind. He came to me one day seeking counsel on some matters. Back then I was a regular waitress and he was a regular customer. Our interaction should have been limited. 

But didn’t he ask an intriguing question and proposed an incredibly challenging work. He must have seen the desperation in my eyes. In the next few days, things were fast and moving. He and I found one another different. That’s when it was decided. Not to fall in love. But I guess we both did just couldn’t admit. He was nice to me always but unpredictable. He was considerate even though self harming. It was all too exhausting and suddenly the past came out of nowhere. A year of this practical philosophy of love and suddenly comes my weakness or so I thought he was. Begging me to take him and I wouldn’t lie, I was tempted. I did spend a week with my first love. But we realised how things had changed. He was looking for the love I had for him a year ago. Sadly, it just wasn’t there. United in the city, I had lost both my first and well, there was no future with the second. So, I finally decided and went back home. 

Home. Isn’t that how love should feel like? In all honesty, I just wanted a break from all of it. I wanted to be free of those emotions and be who I was before I left home. Home is also made by people you have grown up with. People who really saw you with innocence. I was reminded of it by someone who I knew in high regards. I won’t deny, love for the third time was a lot to do because he believed in me. He knew I was capable of starting over. I am grateful and blessed because what he managed to accomplish was more than I could ever ask for. He gave me myself back. So when he asked me to marry him, I didn’t have to look back. In fact, I gave him my hand and tossed my past after fully accepting it. He and I were like friends, family and with time, lovers. 

That’s how I see it.